And finally... some cheesewash

The amusingly named British Cheese Board is claiming a new study has laid to rest the "age old myth that cheese gives you nightmares". Now experience tells me that's not true, and after reading the rest of their press release, I'm starting to think this is just the line that the Cheese Board's PR team are spinning on a study that shows nothing of the sort.

Firstly, the study got participants to eat 20 grams of cheese half an hour before bed. 20 grams? That's barely a morsel, let alone the kind of cheese-and-biscuits feast we normally associate with cheese dreams.

Even more damningly, the central finding of the report is that cheese affects your dreams, and differently depending on the cheese you eat. Cheddar makes you dream about celebrities, apparently, while stilton gives you unusual dreams. I can't say I've ever had a dream about celebrities after eating cheddar, but I have had unusual dreams after eating stilton or similarly mould-ridden cheeses. And surely you only need to be a bit stressed into the bargain, and 'unusual' stilton dreams (or indeed celebrity focused cheddar dreams) become disturbing ones?

The study records that 'highlights' of the Stilton dreams included "talking soft toys, ...a vegetarian crocodile upset because it could not eat children, dinner party guests being traded for camels". And these are supposed to be nice dreams? Pull the other one Cheese Board!

They end their press release by pondering the origins of the cheese causing nightmares 'myth'. Could it be Dicken's A Christmas Carol or a Fifties health scare, they wonder. How about it being down to the fact that eating cheese before bed does cause nightmares.

End the cheesewash now!